Honey, it's not an Anne-Heche-moment for me

"Even when they're eating your pussy, they're STILL straight."

David E. Kelley calls me up--and he's very sweet,
he's the creator of Ally McBeal--and he says, "You know, we'd kinda want to take your character in a gay direction."

And I said,
"Can we talk outside, David?
You know, I kind of already did that on Roseanne...
and, um...frankly I'M not that thrilled about being gay in my REAL life.
Can we maybe do something different? Because it's not an Anne Heche moment for me."

Now Ellen's very mad at me. She's says if I want to start a war in the press, she's not the person to start with. I'm like, "What?" Ya know, everything just went into Aquarius, kabbalistically, and I'm like, "Nuh, uh ... this is going to be a real rough month for me." So I'm just gonna restrict and be real cool about the whole thing and understand there will come a day when Anne Heche will be straight again. Gay men are different. If they've been straight and turn gay, they're gay, honey. But for chicks it's different, especially if they're in show business.

Even when they're eating your pussy, they're still straight.
I'm just looking out for Ellen. Believe me, I'm concerned for her. Because when the shit goes down, it's not gonna be pretty.